jessiehancock

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The Wish That Got Away

 

Like dandelion seeds that float away on a breeze, sometimes the things you wish for don’t always come true. That hasn’t stopped me from playing the “What If?” game. If I had a sister, she would make me laugh so hard I’d snort coffee out of my nose because she’d be the smart kind of funny that requires people to take notice and respect her for the full package that she is.  She’d be a few years ahead of me, wiser, and capable of leading me without being bossy.

Growing up, I never gave it much thought that I was an only child, it just was. The older I become, the more I began to long for this imaginary sister to share my peaks and valleys with. I’ll bet there’s something we all wish for that seems like it would fill in the missing pieces. An exciting new job, a doting husband, a baby to rock in our arms; just a few of the things many of us hope for. Maybe they arrive at a different time than we expect or perhaps they don’t make an appearance at all? How do we manage the disappointment of unfulfilled wishes?

The compass is one of my new favorite things. It can be turned in any direction, but always reverts back to the north and leads us the right way. Sometimes we go off in a direction that we’re sure is the path for us, only to find that we flew past a street sign that warned us we’re going the wrong way! For me, having faith is like keeping a beautifully weathered and precious compass in my pocket that will get me out of any jam. By correcting our course, we find that the things we long for may come in a different timetable or they might not be in our future at all, but the peace to accept and move beyond that realization is available.

“But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task,
until I went into the sanctuary of God…” Psalm 73:16

A huge part of me wishes for the older sister that will encourage me on the days where I feel like I’m the only mom trying to navigate while blindfolded and hopping on one leg with a hand tied behind my back. She’ll tell me that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and that it’s more important to stay calm in the moment and find the tiniest speck of beauty from it instead of lamenting what it should be. I’m telling you, this girl’s amazing! In actuality, there is no guidebook for us so we have to write our own and accept that no one else’s directory would work anyway because we are made so uniquely different on purpose-that’s part of the plan!

For now, my sister is alive in my imagination. If I can hear that loving tone, see the big genuine smile, and feel the warmth she emanates, then maybe she does exist somehow. Perhaps she is an ideal I can emulate just like I’ve done all my life to shape myself into who I’ve wanted to become. On earth, I’m an only child. In Heaven, I’ve got the biggest, rowdiest family you’ve ever seen and I belong right in the middle of it. Knowing this makes it alright to pursue the best life I can while I’m here, instead of getting a bad case of FOMO (fear of missing out). What does your wish look like? Mine’s a leader who walks beside me.